Hi Mr. Midnight , I found your writing in a post at WdC General Discussion. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits.

On Title/Subject
Great title, intriguing byline. Definitely a keeper your book title. Chapter one: Chains of Fate? Interesting but probably only making sense in the big picture.

General impressions
The writing style is appealing. Grammar outstanding. The story is set up very well, a lot happening in a few hours. Peter is all mind, little emotion. Is that on purpose? Perhaps because of what happened to his folks? I am guessing here.

Advice: watch the flow towards the end of this chapter.

Favorite Parts
Bang.Bang.Bang.Bang. The banging on the door added a terrifying realism to the chain of explosions going off in his nightmare. The vibrations rumbled deep in his chest, reminding him of the day he lost his family. Peter Stone woke up on the floor in a cold sweat, kicking off the tangled sheets as if they were on fire. Someone was pounding on his apartment door.

Great start to this book. Vivid, lively, has a good pace, exciting.

Suggestions
* Do you know what a cliché is, Mr. War Vet?
* Can you skip one of the two words in the first couple of paragraphs: "speed-walked"? The repetition is distracting too much. Another word perhaps?
* No emotion? why not when a severed arm is passing by and blood is flying around?
* Still a bit dazed...so he had some emotion after all? Why not show it?
* Cutting through the crowd like a ninja, Peter avoided everyone.

Final thoughts
Good start to the novel. A good introduction of main-character, interesting events. Looking forward to reading the rest.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .