Hi there, I'm Beacon and I'm from "The WDC Angel Army"  and am going to review your item. I hope the comments or suggestions will help you.

When I read you're story, I think it's a good one but there's a minor thing, the dialogue has a paragraph spaced so you keep you're dialogue together. I think that's one of the hardest things to do is keep the dialogue together. All in all, keep on writing and let me know if I can be further assistance like reviewing your work.

Thank you for letting me review your work and keep writing.
Beacon