Hi Mr. Midnight , I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits.

On Title/Subject
The title is as good as it gets, but maybe you can come up with a better one, given the amount of violence. Interesting chapter. Real-life turning into a computer game. Or vice versa.

General impressions
I dig it and I accept the amount of violence in this chapter but make sure you pay attention to the psychology of it all as well. Why did Peter change into Massacre at this point in the story? It has to make sense since it is a complete change as far as the reader can tell. But the change itself is believable!

Favorite Parts
The scene with the cat is adorable given the violence before and after. Nice touch!

Suggestions
* In the first couple of paragraphs you use the word "scanned" twice. Too much. scanned for police cars and scanned the sidewalk. Can you change one of them?
* Awgh, that bad... (add a comma)
* Say hello to Mr. Massacre, motha f***as! (add a comma)
* Interesting you change the name from Peter to Massacre as in the war games Peter used to play. Good choice!
Why change it back to "Peter" in the middle of the scene? "Each group that Peter (he) managed to dart [...] would not fire".
* he heard a shuffle coming from the kitchen
* "Hey, look at me!" (add a comma)

Final thoughts
Real violent action. The psychology of Peter has to be convincing. Massacre in action, your young adult aka gamers would love this. Although I am not interested in violence as such, I could accept this chapter and the change into Massacre.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .