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Review #4567920
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Rated: | (5.0)
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Hi lloth5454,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  [E]. I found this on the Read A Newbie page, and I was drawn to your title and description.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: The first thing to say about this story is it didn't take me where I expected. It is twisty, and I kept reviewing my feelings. At first, I thought it would be a funny story. Your opening line, "Alfie is up on the desk again." had me thinking it might be a humorous story. Then, when his shadow "loomed" I thought it might be a crime story. In the end, though, it is a rather lovely look at autism.

Plot: I'm not sure whether this is a school for children with special needs, or a general school, but either way, you do a great job with showing the unpredictability of Alfie and the tension that brings. I have two godchildren who are autistic, so I understand how hard it can be to keep up with them sometimes, especially when they have no idea how strong they are.

Characters: This story shows a teacher who understands her pupils very well. She knows where Alfie's rampage will go. She does the only thing she can think of to stop him and holds out her arms. It works. He runs into them. Beautiful.

What I liked: I love your writing style. It is clear and descriptive, emotional and immersive. I was hooked right from the beginning to the very last line. And I loved the ending. The way the teacher uses facial expressions to try to calm Alfie is brilliant. The last line is perfect: "He smiles and accepts the invitation." After such a rocky and uncertain build-up to this, it made my heart happy to read this. Even though I'm not sure whether the teacher would have been knocked to the ground. I hope not, though.

This is a great story and a beautiful piece of writing. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of you in the future.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut


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