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Review #4569511
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Review by Charlie ~
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Hello dassarthak,

I'm Charlie ~ and I've selected your item, "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor , for reviewing today. The following feedback is merely the opinion of a fellow writer/reader. Use what is useful to you and throw the rest away. *Wink*

*Icecream* General Thoughts: Bukowski quote + Kafka references in one poem? Well, aren't I just in love. You have some tight lines in here that I like. The end of the first stanza was really nice with the ashes/smoke/matchstick bit. I also liked the lead into the second stanza with straight into the fragile marrow. It was pretty smooth.

*Icecreamb* Suggestions: The biggest issue I noticed is that the metaphors are all over the place in this poem. The imagery you're building from stanza to stanza isn't connected. We've got a corridor, burning matches, arteries, deserts, carcasses, flowers? The imagery in the second stanza is totally different than the imagery in the first or fourth stanza. I used to do this too without even realizing it until enough people were like, "Hey, the imagery you're building makes no sense." *Laugh* Just something to look into if you do want to edit at some point.

*Icecreamv* Conclusion: Overall, I think you had some great imagery in this poem, I just wish it was more consistent throughout. Anyway, welcome to the site and thanks for sharing your writing with us. Hit me up if you need anything.

Best,

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/20/2020 @ 3:55pm EDT
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