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 Review #4569528 |
 | Good Fortune  [13+] From the outside, looking in.  |
| (4.0)  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Hello BrieHart ,I'm Charlie ~ and I've selected your item, "Good Fortune" by BrieHart , for reviewing today. The following feedback is merely the opinion of a fellow writer/reader. Use what is useful to you and throw the rest away.   General Thoughts: Aw man, that's a bummer. I've been there, probably on both sides, and it's never fun to get your hopes up about all the potential someone could hold in your life that just doesn't pan out. Then you start comparing yourself to the other person and have that whole downward spiral.  I feel it. I think you did a good job of conveying the situation and how you feel about it. I think a lot of people can relate to the situation and having to be selfless enough to allow someone to be 'free' to live their life the way they want to live it.  Suggestions: Should be "a different tune" rather than "a different toon" in the sixth paragraph.Other than that, I think you could make more out of this short story. As it stands, you're telling the situation with a lot of heart and I dig that, but I think you could enhance the story by bringing the 'characters' to life and showing us the situation rather than telling it. Otherwise, you could create this into more of a personal essay rather than a short story. There's an option for that within the item.  Conclusion: Overall, I thought this was an interesting read. It's pretty well-written and clear what's happening in the situation. The next step is to elevate it using those emotions to build the characters.Best, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/09/2020 @ 4:07pm EDT