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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4569724
Review #4569724
Viewing a review of:
 Walking Home  [E]
Flash Fiction
by Jacky
Review of Walking Home  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Greetings, Jacky! I discovered this piece in Random Reviews and really enjoyed it. *Smile*


*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* I found this especially interesting since I, too, am a people watcher. Not a window peeker, to make it clear, *Laugh*, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't notice activity inside someone's house as I walked or drove by. *Whistle* But walking in the shadows to watch people feels like it might border on disturbing. *Laugh* And yet... intriguing!
         *Bullet* I didn't see the end coming, which thrills me that it was not predictable. I don't mind predictable stories as long as the writing lures me in enough to turn each page, but a surprise ending is like dessert!
         *Bullet* Excellent visuals, of course! People-watching can be very interesting. Your descriptions are great!
         *Bullet* I think my favorite line/visual is: Mr. and Mrs. Grant, still as stiff as ever, watching TV as rigid as if they were at a town meeting.

Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* Paragraph 2: Tonight, in her old neighborhood walking home after visiting her parents. *Right* Tonight, after visiting her parents, she walked home in her old neighborhood. Just an example, of course, but a complete sentence. Your version felt more like a scene set up for a script. *Wink*
         *Bullet* Paragraph 3: The envy of her group back then, only to find out later it was so swank then, because it was a brothel! *Right* The envy of her group back in the day, only to find out later it was so swank then, because it was a brothel!
         *Bullet* *Right* The word 'then' felt repetitious so I replaced it with 'in the day' as an option for your consideration. *Smile*

Final Thoughts

         I've always admired your writing and this piece is no exception! Loved it! Great work!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
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