Dear JDdurhamrn,

Funny story about Walt and the excuse for that one eyebrow. That was a big takeaway for me from your short story. I thought it was unfortunate that we did not get to this encounter sooner. I would love a story full of stuff like that.

The open to the "Love Your Neighbors"  needed a better hook as the narrative meandered. We didn't really get a good introduction to the main character. It went to the omniscient voice that seemed more interested in plodding forward to setting up that scene that would come until the end. And then it was over. No true conflictino and resolution, unless you count the uncertainty that made the main character uncomfortable.

The action that was to come never really was building. It seemed more like a chance encounter and then finish. People sitting around greeting a neighbor is fine, but wanted to see more eccentricities or odd happenings. Like Walt and his lone caterpillar.

There is some promise with this story. I think it could be quirky and/or cute. Needs a good edit to even out the eyebrowness of it all.

Brian




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .