%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4570046 |
 | ALEX MAKES A NEW FRIEND  [E] A story about 4 yr old Alexandra who meets and makes a fuzzy friend.  |
| (4.0)  Greetings, Tema! I discovered this piece on the Newbies Work List page. I also noticed you are new to WDC, though a returning member, Welcome back! I hope you are enjoying the site once again! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.What I Liked  Children's stories are my favorite genre, so of course I was lured in by yours! Your paragraphs are perfectly short (not overwhelming for a child to read) and you've included lots of dialogue, which moves the story along nicely. Fuzzy the caterpillar added a nice touch to the story. A colorful creature that wiggles and squirms and soft to touch is an instant friend to any young child! You include an antagonist, which is a perfect pick as Alex's older, bully brother. I was relieved that Mark never discovered Fuzzy!Suggestions to Consider Paragraph 2: inched it's way along  inched its way along It's is a contraction only. Paragraph 3 You have lots of tiny legs Fuzzy You have lots of tiny legs, Fuzzy Insert a comma when addressing someone's name. Paragraph 5: "A-l-e-x, oh A-l-e-x," Mark called sweetly. "Alex! Oh, Alex!" Mark called sweetly. Unless Mark is spelling Alex's name out, perhaps italicizing her name would be an alternative to consider. Paragraph 11: Alex had started to try not to giggle Alex tried her best not to giggle Just an option!  I have one other observation worth mentioning... I'm wondering about a four year-old being at a park alone. Could you instead replace the park setting to the back yard? Or perhaps mention the parent or grandparent nearby, perhaps on a park bench? Just a thought. Final Thoughts This is a sweet story about a little girl, a caterpillar, and a brother who can be a bully. Alexandria manages to hide Fuzzy under her sun hat, protecting him from the hands of Mark. At last he goes home and Alex takes Fuzzy to a bush and lets him go on a leaf. A feel good story, which I feel is a must for children!  Good job!Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 09/13/2020 @ 3:43pm EDT