Hello there. My name is Loreli and I will be doing your review today. As a disclaimer, I am not a professional editor or anything of the sort, just a writer of nearly thirty years. Things contained within this review are simply my opinion so feel free to disregard my comments you feel do not apply.

For you information though, I do not do a review unless I feel the piece has potential and I like what I read my first time around.

This is for the Harry Potter contest. My object this time was to review flash fiction. I hope that's what this was, since it was so short.


My Initial Thoughts

I found this cute, but campy. Kinda perfect for flash fiction.


What I liked

Unlike most stories it has my favourite monsters working together instead of always just being separate. Reminds me of my favourite movie as a child Monster Squad or more recently, Hotel Transylvania that shows them at least friendly with each other.


My Suggestions

One of my big complaints is that it's short. I could see a good story here.

In a story this short, every word counts. Describing the "crowd" I think is unimportant. They are not the focus. Just have them be 'faceless' voices and use those words with better details. Don't describe the monsters, just use names. If they are reading this, we know what they look like. Use words that invoke an immediate understanding.



Final Thoughts

Good story, Good start to a longer story, Like the pitch to a story. Maybe you could add more recent monsters in there too, from more modern culture. Freddie Kruger? (and you should know this was coming) maybe a Dementor? Run by the ultimate human evil Delores Umbridge? Man I hated that woman!



Keep up the good work and may your Muse stay on your shoulder.

Loreli






"I love deadlines. I like the wooshing sound they make as they fly by." -Douglas Adams

Synonym: The word you use when you can't spell the other one.

"When you eliminate the impossible, whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truth." Sherlock Holmes

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .