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Review #4588792
Viewing a review of:
 
The Climb  [ASR]
A flash piece about a couple discussing some infidelities...
by W.D.Wilcox
Review of The Climb  
Review by Bryce Kenn
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hey, I like this! I am a fan of both flash fiction and (for some warped reason that I don't quite understand) stories about treachery/betrayal and justice/karma. *Laugh*

You do a great job of revealing bigger and bigger parts of the picture as you progress through the dialog. I get the impression of the camera zoomed in on Natasha, then zooming out to Natasha and George, and finally zooming out to take in Natasha, George, and Bob. Very effective! My only question is: How did George manage to get Bob onto a lower ledge and tie him to Natasha and then get up above the two without Natasha realizing it? I'll try not to think of that one too hard.

In terms of mechanics, I struggle with what one might do about the following: “George, please, you’re being silly, all this just because I won’t sleep with you.” It seems like the second part is a question, but it is presented as a clause rather than a complete sentence. Perhaps instead of a comma, you could use a long dash and end with a question mark. Just a thought.

Again, great job.

Keep on writing!

-Bryce Kenn

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