A review by iguanamountain "WYRM"  member of {A group for those dedicated to writing and reviewing speculative fiction..

Stir Crazy
by Let's have a sox to sox talk

Hello rinsoxy,
This is a review for Part 3 of Lodestar Contest based on your story from the
Part One Entry: Spaceman by J.B. Ezar
A man lives in a sealed habitat on a desolate planet, leaving it only for short walks in his spacesuit. He’s been there a long time, clinging to formal routine and scraps of his sanity. He starts seeing things: old colleagues come to visit him, people he buried years ago. Then unsuited strangers start coming to his base. Tired and desperate, he succumbs to his madness: he opens his airlock door, depressurizing it, and steps outside. He can breathe. Strangers are real.
A possible reveal
He’s still on Earth. Strangers are tourists at a newly opened desert national park. All this time, he’s been in a forgotten training facility, left behind after his space colonization program was revealed to be a scam and suspended.
This is a different kind of review because of the contest requires that the reviewer pay attention to how the stories are built around the ideas in Part One.

I believe you have followed the suggested story exactly as described. The emotion and detail is amazing as it all come to life.

>>> He grew his own nutrient slurries from the cultures they base had in stock.
First thing, you solved the food problem with cultures. I can imagine they must have tasted awful. Note that the word 'they' should be 'the' base.

>>> They had wandered off into the desolate landscape of this world, dying as the poisonous atmosphere slowly killed them.
This is the physical world as John believes it to be from his experience.

>>> a very convincing hallucination of Tom Roberts the mission commander stated.
The first appearance of a hallucination.

>>> It was really beginning to wear him down.
I think the emotional reaction to the 'visions' when they first appeared could be detail a bit more. He must have questioned his sanity and then justified it somehow because he's learned to accept or ignore them as a mental defense. (?)

>>> James frowned. Why did their emotions seem so real?
This is written as a James thought, which would be a POV head jump. John can hear dialogue and see them, but he can't know what the visions are thinking.

>>> The reason for the separation was the high levels of cyanide in the atmosphere.
Ha! Clever belief for John so the lack of pressure difference is justified. *thumpsup*

>>> He was shocked when he entered the main habitat and saw his mother sitting at the dining table. "
This would be the most challenging hallucination of all. Great.

>>> Somehow that was his way of denying they existed at all.
Perfect, but I wonder if this idea should be introduced earlier when he's first working out his mental defenses. (?)>that's me thinking.

>>> Too bad the cyanide content of the native soil meant he couldn't eat a bite of them.
This introduces something I question. Why would he bother to build a greenhouse outside if the soil was poisoned. Wouldn't he try to grow food inside.(?)

>>> Denying the hallucinations in this way helped him clutch on to the illusion of sanity.
Yes! Very clear and justifies all.

>>> He hasn't been exposed to Covid or vaccinated so he is very susceptible.
Wow, I like that you have brought this into our real world.

>>> He just might as well step out there and let the cyanide rock him into the big nap.
The suicide decision (HUGE) could use a bit more dispair and giving up. (?)

>>> No, this was his last walk, he headed off to the right of the habitat.
This is a very important idea (the new direction) To make it stronger can you have some high rocks or big sand dunes that he has to cross so we understand why he never saw beyond the barrier.

>>> There was a glass front door like what John remembered a convenience store to have. Inside was a snack bar and a counter filled with brochures.
I love this finding a very ordinary piece of the real world. Great plotting.

>>> "Holy...cow. That's you. You're John Garret! I have to call somebody!"
I like the lady's reaction, but what about John's. What is he thinking at this moment? (?)

>>> The woman removed the object from her ear and put it back in her pocket, "Do you want onions on that?"
I loved this last line of the story. It brings it back to something so ordinary and real.

FINAL COMMENT: Loved the story. I wish we got a little more of John's emotional reactions as he finds the truth with the brochure and then the chili dog. After all that degusting slurry!
You have transformed the suggestion into a live, engaging story. Great job!
Best, Gale


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .