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 Review #4597364 |
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| (4.5)  Greetings, Elfin Dragon-finally published! I am reviewing this because I am part of "CLOSED: Merit Badges for Fun Raffle " .  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.What I Liked  The first two lines are fantastic:I stand at the edge of a sea, where no water greets me. And this... A new scent assails me. I like that your stanzas are simple but rich with imagery.Suggestions to Consider Did you switch from present tense to past tense part way through this? As I reread this piece, I imagined it all in present tense and thought perhaps you might consider it. It makes the reader feel as if it's happening right now and eerily enough, I could feel the sinking and the rising. But that, of course, is entirely up to you. I don't know how you feel about uncapping the beginning of some of your lines (the ones that are a continuation of the line above it.) It's a matter of preference, I suppose, but thought it worth mentioning. I noticed you did this for some, though not others. Here's one example:For upon the stone was etched My name and date of death. [option] For upon the stone was etched my name and date of death. Final Thoughts I like this piece very much. You've done a great job with your visuals. I felt as if I were there myself! Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 02/15/2021 @ 6:29pm EST