Hello Alextrax,

I am reviewing your story. Thanks again for choosing me to review it.
It is my pleasure to review your piece today "Attack of the blobwoman" and to give you helpful information if needed.

Disclaimer

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I will give you my thoughts, pointers, corrections if needed, and some advice. These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful, and please disregard the rest, for I'm not an expert reviewer.

📚 ☕ 📓 ☕ 📖 ☕ 📚 ☕ 📖 ☕ 📓 ☕ 📚





Your title ""Attack of the blobwoman" " really caught my attention.





Your sentences are too long to be followed up which breaks the rhythm. I suggest you to break down them into smaller ones as they are easy going and this makes the read more understandable.





I love how this story was descriptive with yoghurts,jelly and other food stuffs.



Your story was a bit lengthy or I should say you can more it in form of a story with episodes. Actually, the format in which you wrote was a bit messy. I suggest you to write your story in chunks and you should use colours or bold font to highlight some major aspects.
Also, when I wrote my first story here, I was told by many in their reviews and I would like to share the same with you that the dialogues should be written in next line. And after a dialogue you have too leave a line too. It makes the conversation easier to catch. The character description was not that good but I think you'll be doing better in your further write ups.😌

I want to highlight some errors which I came across. Although I may be not able to figure out all and you can consider these only if you like. It's just a suggestion. ☺️

Having consumed the blob, Carole had eaten and merged with it so well that she had now become the blob and therefore she was the master now.



Carole lumbered her way past the other workers offices and just followed Melanie in silence like some naughty school girl getting a lecturing for not doing homework.

Seconds later, the top button on her blouse popped off. Carole was mightily relieved at this because it was starting to get stuck under her swelling chin, which had now long doubled and was starting to triple so it’s popping had given her neck some much needed breathing space.

And then she proclaimed:. “It’s time for me to show this world that there’s a new girl in town...."



I think you should read your story once again and check for punctuations and should breakdown the sentences.



You have done a marvellous job. I liked the idea of eating more and bigger a mammoth person. Keep writing.

Lurie Park



"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .