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 Review #4606595 |
| (5.0)  Greetings, Sumojo! I am reviewing this because I am part of "CLOSED: Merit Badges for Fun Raffle " .  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.What I Liked  I was mesmerized by this excellent piece of writing, Sue! Simply captivated! It's highly impressive. The sequencing of your story, beginning with George, the retired coal miner from 1950 Derbyshire, and onto one of the few things he had left to enjoy--the pigeons (specifically Sweetheart) glides the reader through without a bump! I loved everything about this piece! Your descriptions, imagery, phrases, all drew me in. My absolute favorite:Removing his tobacco tin from his waistcoat pocket, he began to fill the bowl of his pipe, tamping it down with a stained thumb. He struck a match and sucked hard until the tobacco glowed red. Sue, this is magnificent writing. I could praise you all day on this! Suggestions to Consider (Just a few, hardly-worth-mentioning) a bird he called, Sweetheart.  a bird he called Sweetheart. Since you are not addressing the bird, I don't think you need a comma here. this then pin-pricks You briefly switched to present tense here.  Final Thoughts This is certainly top-notch writing! I hope you do something with this, because you should. I'm serious! Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 04/19/2021 @ 8:57pm EDT