A Date With Death


Hi DK,

I thought I’d pop over and peek at what you wrote.

What I liked best was the voice. It sounds relaxed and natural. I was pulled right in to the text, good opening. My curiosity was held throughout.

I made a few suggestions. Keep what you like and discard the rest!

Thanks for sharing,

Tadpole1

Derek Berry Thorpe
May 2020

Valkyrie & Marge:

Death is a friend.

It's grown over time, as all things do, I suppose. Perhaps though he's more like a really strong acquaintance. I mean our meetings are frequent but brief, you know what I mean?

He shows up at my counter at the beginning of his shift--I issue him the right sized scythe

he asks for This makes the sentence awkward


depending on whatever assignment he's got for the day. You know, the big scythe for when there's a bombing or something, the smaller

every day everyday

There is a difference between everyday and every day.

I work at the factory every day.
When I work at the factory, I wear my everyday overalls.


ones for when there's a murder or your run of the mill car accident.— punctuation


Then at the end of his shift he hands it back in and I clean 'em up, get 'em ready for his next shift.

I'm getting better at cleaning those nasty things. Used to gross me out at first. But I'm a tough broad. So, his help is female.


Once a year though, the deaths are supposed to change out of their smokey ?? smoky ??


vapor cloaky hood thing they wear. I haven't been working here that long for that to happen on my shift yet though.

Recently though, things have been a little different. He's requested the megascythe for the past ten days. I speak, say hello comma
but he's been barely saying a word in reply. Then last Friday, he looked at me through the glass partition and said his name was Simon and kind of waved his skeleton fingers at me. You can't see his features clearly under his hood thing so you're never really sure if he's smiling or not.

I like the voice.


Yesterday though, must have been a rough day. He looked tired as he handed back in the megascythe. I swore


Suggestion: I swear



I heard him mumble how much he hated pandemics. I said, 'Bye, Simon,' As he walked away and that kind of froze him in his tracks. He turned back to the window and said the annual Caseguey change was tomorrow for him and he picked me to help him transition. Not sure if I was supposed to feel honored, but I kinda sorta did.

It's a big deal for a death to transition into new garb, I'm told. I'm sort of still in training myself as you know. He hesitated and blurted if I wanted to grab a cup of lava after it was done. Never got a chance to reply as he floated away in a blur.

A shy death. Hah. Go figure.

So management delivered the Caseguey kit about an hour ago along with a training video for me. Hope all goes well. I can almost see why he'd want to ask me out right after the Caseguey changeover. You know some guys want to be all fresh and fly with the gals.

I wore black just in case he still wants to go out afterwards. I don't know if he's going to pay or if he'd want to go a Dutch type arrangement, but I'm prepared. Is she really? I don’t think I’d want a date with death. Lol! Watch out girl!


But listen, Marge I'm going to have to get going with this training video, okay, I'll call you later. His shift is ending soon. Let's see what does it say here on the case... Ehhh... 'Training video for yearly Caseguey Grim changeover. Size: 86, Medium, Female, Simone.'

Simon and Simone

So, is Simone to become the new death?

Damn.