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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4616781
Review #4616781
Viewing a review of:
 Tomorrow...  [ASR]
thoughts on the eve of my 18th birthday
by Gwyneth
Review of Tomorrow...  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Greetings from
The WDC Angel Army  [ASR]
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
by iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen


I visited your portfolio because it's your WdC Account Anniversary.

Well, this is an interesting piece. I must say I expected something different (something a little mushy) when I saw the title and brief description. Instead I saw a lovely glimpse of childhood and a determined cry to hold on to the best aspects of childhood.

For the piece itself, reviewed as is, it seems to reflect the roller-coaster ride of your thoughts then. There's the memory, the sudden fear about losing those things, and the determination to hold on, all in quick succession. As suggestion, I'd say add some writingML like font and line-spacing to increase readability, and maybe a cover photo now that this is possible.

It has been a long time since you wrote this piece. In fact, you've doubled in age since then! I'd be very interested if you added to it now. How did things work out, on that 'tomorrow' and on all the years of tomorrows since? Which parts of childhood could you hold on to, and which ones did you let go of? And -- are you now going to distinguish 'childish' from 'childlike' ...?

If you do work on it, I'd be grateful if you let me know so that I could re-visit it!

Happy WdC Anniversary!
Write On!


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