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 Review #4618889 |
 |  | Bobby [162]  [13+] Bobby and Johnny were 11 and always hid out in their tree house. Now, years later...  |
| (4.5)| A  ReviewMy reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. First Impression Your writing always pulls me inside your stories. You have a flare...a quiet way of unfolding a tale that sucks me in. And this is no exception. Thoughts/Suggestions/Comments I never noticed any typos, though I was so intrigued with your words, I could have missed something...though I doubt it. I am curious to know, however, is Mary Beth Bobby's older/younger sister? She feels, perhaps, like his sister, but I'm not for certain. I'm sure you'll be sharing that soon enough.  The narrator, Mary Beth, tells her story beginning in the year 1957, when the boys are eleven. The boys—Bobby and Johnny—are close friends but something changes in Johnny one day...on a Tuesday, to be exact, according to Mary Beth. I am wondering, however, years later...at what previous point was it 18 years since Mary Beth had last heard from Bobby? Had he contacted Mary Beth since he'd disappeared after the war? I am assuming so. The reason I ask is because the Viet Nam War ended in the 70s and I was assuming the story was being told by Mary Beth in current times. It's not a huge deal, but it did make me curious since the phone call from Bobby was made today. So I probably answered my own question and you will let us know later in the story when that point was. Forgive me for thinking out loud!  You leave me at the end of this chapter with many questions, which is awesome, and I long to read more. What did Johnny do to the kitty? What caused him to change? To run away? Where did Bobby go after Viet Nam? And finally, the phone call at the very end of the chapter. Mary Beth, I found Johnny." You've definitely hooked me into wanting more! Great work! Favorites I have to say, my favorite thing about this chapter is the voice of the narrator—Mary Beth. She makes a great storyteller, and I'd love to know more about her. Best of luck in the contest! Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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