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 Review #4619374 |
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| (4.5)   Greetings, Starling, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest " . First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. Visually appealing Easy to understand Followed the prompt & rules Conflict Cantor has discovered that the creatures of the Dark Time his village has feared, are only beings from his own planet. He must tell the elders but the only way back is over bridge and the imposters are standing in his way.  Characters: Cantor is a great name for this likable character and I have a feeling he will be met with a few more conflicts.  Dialogue: Not a lot of dialogue so far, but that's because of the situation. Cantor is hiding, watching through the slit rock. I like that you included dialogue from the three beings blocking his way to safety.  Good job! Setting: You've set the stage well in this first chapter. I've a clear visual of Cantor watching from the slit rock as everything unfolds.  Technicalities:Pargraph 3: Contour peaked over  Cantor peaked overParagraph 8: The beings he, had been warned about, the beings feared by everyone, the reason all had to stay indoors after dark, were not creatures of the Dark Time, they were from his own planet. You might consider breaking this run-on sentence up a bit. One example: The beings he'd been warned about, the beings feared by everyone, were not creatures of the Dark Time. They were from his own planet. It's just something to think about.   Favorites:streaks of light were pulled from the thick cloud cover and skated on the surface of the water and A ball of light broke the surface of the lake.  Final thoughts: What a great way to pull the readers in! I've no doubt children will find this chapter compelling enough to read on! I also like your book title, Cantor's Quest; it's the perfect title for your story. It's not hard to imagine the boy having quite the adventure! Nice work. I hope you continue on with this.Best of luck in the contest! Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 07/14/2021 @ 11:48am EDT