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 Review #4619435 |
 | Questions  [E] A vision of the first chapter of a children' book. Identity is important.  |
| (4.0)   Greetings, SandraLynn Team Florent!, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest " . First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. Visually appealing Although it felt a little crammed with the smaller font and no spaces between paragraphs. You did indent though! I noticed that!  Easy to understand Yes Followed the prompt & rules Yes Conflict The main character receives a letter reporting the death of her father, who is alive and well, doing a crossword puzzle. She also has many questions about why she doesn't seem to take after anyone in the family, and wonders if she's adopted. Her father has an answer for every question though, but the main character isn't so sure about it and decides to do some research (which is the hook to read the next chapter!) Characters: The unnamed character and her father. Dialogue: No lack of dialogue here!  And believable, too. Setting: Doesn't specify, but I'm assuming it's somewhere at home since the dad is working on a crossword puzzle. Technicalities/Suggestions:My eyes blinked several times as I read, Dear Madam, I am sorry to report the death of your father. My hands shook when I turned to stare at my Dad , pen waving in the air, puzzling over today's crossword.  My eyes blinked several times as I read, Dear Madam, I am sorry to report the death of your father. My hands shook when I turned to stare at my Dad[,] pen waving in the air, puzzling over today's crossword. You might consider italicizing the words from the letter the narrator is reading, separating it from her thoughts. It's up to you, of course.  I like how you used your 1st Place Prompt Me entry for this! It's a great prompt!You might consider slipping in a name for your main character in this first chapter. Maybe somewhere in the dad's dialogue addressing his daughter? Your dialogue doesn't necessarily need dialogue tags, as it's clear who is speaking, but a few here and there might be nice, with some added descriptions...Again, just something to consider.  Favorites:I glanced again at the man pushing his eyeglasses back up even though they had not slipped and sipping a mug of steaming coffee. Great visual and also gives the impression that perhaps the dad lying. Although the reader can't be sure at this point; it's too early to know for sure. Final thoughts: I remember when I was in the 6th grade and wondered if I was adopted. Kids must go through an identity thing around that age, which I never realized till others had shared similar stories. With this story, however, I feel you are going in an interesting direction, one I would definitely be curious about if you choose to continue on. I'll never forget how infatuated I was with the book series The Face on the Milk Carton. I think you have a good start with this idea you have. Let me know if you pursue it!Best of luck in the contest! Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 07/14/2021 @ 3:58pm EDT