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Review #4620775
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Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: | (3.5)
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After reading the beginning of Ms. Weston's story, it was nice to find this piece of yours. In contrast, this one could use a little work. I have noted my observations and suggestions for changes below.

The house father built reminds me of the house in Parasite https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6751668/ : "a modern impressive structure. With a secret room on the ground floor, behind the kitchen. And from this room a passage and then a tunnel to the garage."

What is in the garage? Plants? "alone except for my plants and the ones in the garage" It's almost like you could leave out "and the ones in the garage" since you already mentioned the plants.

Unless this is already published, this part could use a little clean up because it is jarring how the first person narrator shows up in the middle of the scene and in the future - for the whole thing to return to the past. I added some colors so that you can see how the orange part is not clear who is the person in the sentence, therefore creating confusion.
My father had been growing tomatoes since he was small, he taught me and I continued year after year, living in the same house, alone except for my plants and the ones in the garage.
Working the earth, moving the soil, preparing the terrain for the plants waiting in the kitchen window. He glanced up at the house, then heard a noise behind him and looked back at the garage.

I hope "seeing" your story through the eyes of another is helpful to you.

Annette
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/25/2021 @ 7:02am EDT
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