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 Review #4624546 |
 | Two Ladies  [E] Extract from a novel  |
| (4.0)    Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Hello James. I found your extract from your novel as I was searching for something to review. So, let me get to it. TITLE/DESCRIPTION/GENRE -  The title, "Two Ladies," seems to make sense. I assumed it referred to Amelia Green and Linda Cylkowski. It isn't a very mysterious sounding title, but once I read the excerpt, it *did* make me wonder about them quite a bit. So, perhaps the title works well after all. The genre also sounds like a hard-boiled detective story, a "Mike Hammer" sort of story, which I happen to like very well. Old style. I "saw" your story in black and white, if you get my analogy. PLOT/SETTING & STRUCTURE The plot follows the typical set-up for this type of genre, complete with the beautiful and mysterious woman who arrives, leaving us with more questions than answers. Nice work. The structure is solid, with the exposition very well thought out, along with good setting details. I especially liked how you didn't reveal Amelia's reason for having Linda followed. It kept my interest and I knew Daniel would have his work cut out for him. CHARACTER/POV Daniel Wood strikes me as a competent enough private investigator, although somewhat indecisive and not very motivated. The story, told though his POV, is indicative of the genre, and drew me into his world, despite his somewhat stilted POV. Could have used a few more details about his life, showing why his POV is a little stilted. Again, nice work. DIALOGUE & NARRATION -  While there wasn't much dialogue in this excerpt, it sounded natural and appropriate to the character's personalities, but I think I would have been even more intrigued if a couple more minor details came out in the dialogue. Just enough to ensure that I keep turning the page. Now the narration in my opinion was very well done. Like I mentioned in the genre section, I could really envision this opening. DESCRIPTIVE WRITING- I found your use of imagery and description really put me in the middle of this setting. I didn't have to imagine it. And the fact that you put the story in "anywhere USA," makes this a story that many types of readers can relate to. Some of the descriptions have been used many times in other writing, but regardless of some of the generic stuff that you mentioned, like "She had a classy dress on and wore her hair the way woman used to do in the sixties; piled up on the top of her head" it still fits the form and I liked it. TONE/FLOW & PACING - The tone seemed sort of nonchalant. As if Daniel didn't care either way about the way anything in his life was going. The tone of the story reflects that. The story paced well for most of this excerpt, but it was a bit slow during the part when Amelia arrived on the scene. PUNCTUATION/SPELLING & GRAMMAR - Capitalize all first letters of the dialogue in a sentence or statement. Use double quotes " " for all dialogue, not single quotes ' '. Single quotes are for quoting something within a quote. Example: Yours: ‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘that’s me, all right. How can I help you?’ Mine: "Yeah," I said. "That's me, all right. How can I help you?" FINAL THOUGHTS I really enjoyed reading this excerpt, and would like to see more. I will check your port to see if you have expanded this story or not. I found it kept my interest. I found it fun to read, and written in that "old school" style, as I mentioned earlier. I think this has the possibility of being a really great novel. Keep writing!   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/18/2021 @ 3:52am EDT