#12

Hi, Bruce

During my years as a teacher, I read many stories like this. Based on that experience, I'm going to guess that you're between 12 and 15 years old.

You obviously have an imagination working full-time. You've got a lot of interesting ideas, with some vivid images, all jammed together.

I suggest that you work on how you connect and keep track of those ideas. This is called coherence, which is achieved when sentences and ideas are connected and flow together smoothly without jumping around.

For example, your first paragraph really has little to do with your story, which starts in paragraph two. Your title is the One-Eye Dog (should be One-Eyed) and you mention a single eye in the second paragraph. The single eye seems to disappear after that. You do a good job of describing the toothy dog, and his intriguing response to light. You will want to either write out the one-eyed stuff at the start, or continue it throughout if it's important. BTW, some friends of mine adopted a one-eyed dog; he was a great pet and not at all scary.

Here is the basic formula for a short story:
1. There is one main character, the protagonist. There may be incidental characters but not many. You've got this -- Waynard is your protagonist, with the dog as second character. Is Ms. Tranny really important to the story? Could it be just anybody who phones in the report?
2. The character has a goal, wants something. In your story, Waynard wants to solve the case and help the dog.
3. There is something at stake if the goal isn't reached. Here, the dog will be destroyed.
4. There are obstacles that prevent the goal from being reached. The light?
5. There is a satisfying ending where the protagonist overcomes the obstacles and reaches his goal through his own efforts. I think you have that as well.

You clearly have all the basic elements. For future writing, work on having consistent flow in your story and having all the details work together.

Best
GW

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