#13


First time I've reviewed song lyrics.

With lyrics, you have a little more leeway than in poetry, because the music carries the main weight. A listener is less apt to notice a half-rhyme or lack of rhyme than a reader, and the ability to stretch syllables on long notes allows you freedom with the rhythm.

It appears that you have two verses plus what might be a chorus plus what might be a bridge. It would be helpful if you identified the parts.

The first verse has regular rhythm and an ABCBDEFEGG rhyme scheme. The second verse is similar but with half-rhymes. What I take to be the chorus is ABCDBGG. The repeated GG rhymes add unity and help tie things together. The quatrain at the end looks like a bridge because of it's differences.

As poetry, it's fair to middling; as lyric, it's probably fine. Hard to tell without the music.

Write on.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .