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Review #4665272
Viewing a review of:
 My childish reflection on Romance  [E]
I decide to be honest towards nothing but writting.
by Sansa
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (2.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

I enjoyed reading your item. It's important to reflect on the reasons why art makes us feel the way it does, and I don't think you're at all alone in finding that reading romance stories brings you feelings of excitement. Romance is, after all, one of the bestselling genres for a reason! *Smile*

There were quite a few points where the language needs work, from simple typos (the third sentence in the first paragraph should be "typical" not "typival") to awkwardly phrased sentences ("... I had forgotten him once awaring he may not crush any girl." I'm not 100% certain, but I think that might have meant to say something along the lines of, "... I had forgotten him once, aware that he may not crush on just any girl."). I would recommend a thorough edit and proofread to make sure that you're saying what you want to say in the clearest and most possible way.

At the end of the piece, I'm not quite sure what you want the reader to take away from it. You concede that sometimes people indulge in fictions for amusement (which is certainly true), but you end on a note implying that such a "temporary luxury" must be compensated for and that there has to be a "shift." What did you mean by that? I think you need to more fully elaborate on your thesis of what people who indulge in fantasy for entertainment purposes are needing to do to offset that pastime.

Overall, I thought your item was interesting and thought-provoking, but it does need a significant amount of work in order to make it clearer and more cohesive.


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