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Review #4675800
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Bikerider
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hi Starling I'm reviewing this piece as part of the activities for I Write.

Very interesting scene. It's obvious that Suzanne has plans for Ian. You have done a very good job of 'showing' both Kerry's and Ian's distrust, and dislike, for Suzanne.

Since I haven't read the previous chapters for this scene, it's difficult to know the background here, but what from what I've read there seems to be a history between Ian and Suzanne, maybe even a not so good one.

There are a couple of places that I want to point out that will benefit from your attention. It's not a big deal and doesn't detract from the story.

1. Ian pulled out her chair and made sure she was comfortable, [and then] he sat along with the other men.

2. Suzanne looked around [at] a stunned Ian and gave Kerry a smile which dripped with evil then started in on her salad.

You have done a good job showing the character's emotions. I especially like this: A moment later he jumped, when Suzanne’s left hand fell beneath the table and grabbed his thigh. He gently picked it up and dropped the hand in her lap, the 'dropped the hand in her lap' says a lot about how he feels about Suzanna.

The scene left me wondering what would happen during the private meeting between Ian and Suzanne. How will he get away from her, or will he succumb to her charms, (if she has any).

Your descriptions of the surrounding are well done, as are the emotions of the characters.

Good job with this scene.

Bikerider

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