Hi Mike, I am here to read and review your

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In Cadence, Write!  (E) If you've ever marched in formation, you probably know the tune... #1764470 by Writer_Mike

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I happened on this at Read and Review. So here we go, my comments are just my opinions. This is your poem that I am mirroring back to you through someone else's eyes.

Title and appearance on the page. Clever title. Obviously written as lyrics.

Form Lyrics with a chorus. Lyrics, 4 verses written in variant rhymed, quatrains with L1 of the first quatrain repeated as L1 of all ensuing verses. Rhyme scheme xaxa xbxb xcxc xcxc. The refrain, a tercet, rhymed DDE and repeated after each quatrain. This piece is written in iambic metric pattern, most lines iambic trimeter, some iambic tetrameter. Several feminine or falling end words. ARMy comPUTer VERSes STORy

Texture, rhythm, word choice, and sonics The rhythm because of the iambic pattern is fairly fluid with a very few bumps in the road. The repeated first line of the quatrains and the refrain or chorus inserted between verses, the metric pattern, and variant rhyme, give this piece plenty of texture. It sounds good read aloud.

Suggestions:If this were mine, in the refrain I would change L2 delete "I" and replace with "still". It changes the rhythm back to an iambic pattern, and makes the line more fluid.
I'd switch the last "oh" to after "is me" and before "Hey". Same thing, it smoothes out the rhythm and gives more emphasis to the end. Oh Hey!

S3 L4 "so they end as outlined" change to "so they'll end up as outlined" iambic better rhythm

What I liked I loved the concept and most of the execution of this piece. Fun to read, and relateable.

I enjoyed this read.

~~Tink

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .