Hi Kåre, While you travel the world, I'm back here in the States reviewing an old poem of yours In Bleachers Bare.

*tulipsb* First impression When I see your name, I know I will read a well-crafted poem. The title made me curious. I thought the intro said too much, I wanted to question that for myself.

Form Written in 3 unrhymed sixains. L1-L5 of each stanza varying between 4 to 6 syllables each. L6 of each stanza 2 syllables each.

Texture, rhythm, word choice and sonicsSurprise words, smile eyes, place the puck, silent cheers. The poem read out loud fluidly. The 2 syllable end line gives texture to the stanza.

SuggestionsThis was written so long ago, I am sure you have moved on and will not be revisiting this piece. However, here is a couple of thoughts that came to me while reading this piece. Repetition of the word "cheer" occurs once in each stanza, S1 and S2 repeat "cheers: at the end of L2.
I think if you could have incorporated a similar L2 in S3 it would have carried more power. Hey, you old man / you'll soon join with our cheers." And then in S3 L5 substitute, silent "shouts" for silent cheers. It's your poem, do or don't. Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

OverallThis gave me chills. I loved it.

Bon Voyage, ~~Tink



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .