*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4696079
Review #4696079
Viewing a review of:
 
Christmas In July  [E]
Short story written for the Monthly Calendar Contest - 1754 words
by Choconut ~ House Targaryen
Review of Christmas In July  
In affiliation with P.E.N.C.I.L.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
This review is affiliated with "P.E.N.C.I.L." 



Good morning, Rachel!

It may not be July or Christmas yet, but I stumbled upon your story and it caught my eye so here I am.


*PawPrints* Thanks for making me tear up before the early morning sun. *sigh* Perhaps the fact that I lost my mom made this more sad, I'm not sure. I really enjoyed it but also felt as if it were rushed just a little bit. It's the one bad thing about short stories. The word limitation and trying to squeeze everything in all the while making sure you convey the message and get the ending right is never easy.

*PawPrints* I only found one small hiccup. Mum considered this statement, then said, “You have a telephone, don’t you? I assume your staff know how to use one of those.” I really think it should be 'your staff knows'.

*PawPrints* I found myself wanting to know more about Jamie. Of course. Sharon even looked to see if he's still unmarried. That brought my curiosity out. Forever a romance lover, I'd love to know more. There wasn't a hug as part of the reunion but at least on her side, there were still feelings, along with everything else from her past rushing at her.

*PawPrints* I do have one more suggestion, but take it as you will. Since the story is jumping from scene to different scene rather quickly, I'd separate them a little more so they stand out. I think I was surprised to read about breakfast at the table to being at the mall all of a sudden.

*PawPrints* Sharon's mom seems like an understanding woman while saying little. Since this is written in 1st person POV it makes sense but I would have loved to know more about her, her emotions, what went through her head. That's just me though. She has a quiet kindness about her which I liked.

I know that it can be hard continuing a short story and sometimes they simply are but I'd love to see more of this. Every story has a potential for more, especially this one. What happens next? What could happen? What about the accident? I'm also not used to reading 1st person POV stories and this one makes me want to know a lot more because of it. Sharon's emotions are there yet hidden. Even the scene with Sharon and her mom in the kitchen, I was hoping for more.

If you ever do decide to elaborate on this, I'd love to read it! Thank you for sharing your writing with the rest of us.


~ Gaby



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/04/2023 @ 9:32am EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4696079