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Review #4708529
Viewing a review of:
 
Summer and Fall  [E]
a juxtaposition between sad predisposition and happy nature.
by Val
Review of Summer and Fall  
Review by intuey
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Val This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum"  [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* This poem shows the difference of the thoughts of the happy soul versus that of the sad one.

*Balloon2* Title and Description - The title caught my attention and made me want to read on. The description described what the character of the poem was about.

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- An original depiction of nature being used as metaphors for emotions.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - I think many of us can relate to the meaning of this poem.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions - I do have a few suggestions:

Sadness is seeing

a heart's tiny string under a huge waterfall sheet(,)

Sadness is seeing

a man falling for an object

Sadness is the loss of an noble friend

Try reading your poem with the suggestion of removing the repetitive 'sadness is' words. To me, it gives a much
stronger pull on the emotions. *Heart*


reminiscence is happiness(:)

For example,

Happiness

is the Infinite kisses from yonder


Happiness is the ghost of your eyes in the boughs of the trees

Removing the excess 'Happiness is' for the same reason I mentioned for removing the 'sadness is'. Try reading it without,
and see how you feel about it.

My dear one,

Here,

winter depicts the tranquility of pine trees(.) more than any other season.

*Penv*My Favorite Part: - The last stanza is my favorite. However, I do think it leaves a stronger impression with 'more than any other season' removed. *Smile*


*Peng*Summary: I enjoyed reading your poem. It made me think and reflect a bit. Thank you for sharing!

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Tracey

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/25/2023 @ 9:31am EDT
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