%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4711393 |
 | rupture  [E] What it can be like to dissociate.  |
| (3.5)| Hello AddledThinker This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.   Strong title. It drew my attention to the poem. I went back and forth on the poem's meaning. It reads like one daydreaming. Having a hard time staying in the present. But by the title, it makes me think that maybe it's a bit deeper than daydreaming. Writing a short description of what you're meaning to get across in the poem, I think will help. It not only will help us understand what you want to convey, but it will help draw in more readers.Emotional is a good category, adding the other two genres may help more people find your writing. *smiling*  Theme/Subject Matter:- With the title being called rupture and one of the genres, emotional, I believe instead of about daydreaming, it's about a fractured psyche. It's an interesting write and one I believe could be fleshed out a bit for its full potential. Originality/Creativity:- It's a creative look on a mind that can not stay centered. Emotion/Impact: - I was left a bit confused about exactly what the writer was trying to get across. But at the same time, I could feel the writer's angst. My Suggestions - I wasn't sure about the punctuation. The commas you have don't need to be there, but other punctuation was left out. here then, gone consciousness soaring amongst the stars dreaming back, again for a little while here then gone. consciousness soaring amongst the stars, dreaming. back again for a little while.  back, againagain.. back again. I think it has more impact if you leave out the second 'again.'  Summary: Thank you so much for sharing your work with us. I enjoyed it.  KEEP ON WRITING ON!  Intuey  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/13/2023 @ 10:09pm EDT