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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4712155
Review #4712155
Viewing a review of:
 I became a wife to my self  [E]
About brain snapshot restoration
by Born to win
Review by intuey
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Born to win This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* Wow. What a different story. I enjoyed reading it.
Is English a second language for you? The reason I believe so is because you left out a lot of 'the's, a's, an's, etc... Maybe try writing in your language and then using a language translator. Grammarly can also help you. *Smile*

*Balloon2*
Title and Description - Your title was definitely unique and grabbed my attention. After I read your description I was urged to read on to find out more!

*Penr*
Theme/Subject Matter:- A wife is in an accident, and the husband is embedded into his own wife as his memories about her merges.

*Penb*
Originality/Creativity:- A must unique and creative story.

*Flower3*
Emotion/Impact: - The story is a bit confusing but shows the intense love the husband has for his wife.

*Balloon4*
My Suggestions -

There are a lot of mistakes as far as words being left out. I'll go over a few of them to give you an idea:

*Reading*
We belong to joint family.


we belong to a joint family.


*Penv* She admitted in to

She was admitted into


*Bookstack2* injuries on head

injuries on her head


I'd reconsider writing chapters for such a short piece that's more like flash fiction. Write it without the chapters and just separate it into paragraphs. I think it will help it read more smoothly. *Smile*

*Peng*
Summary: If you decide to edit this, please let me know, and I'll come back and reread and rerate it for you. Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. *Heart*

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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