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Review #4713036
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Review by Beholden
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Rated: | (4.5)
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This is very well written, edited and presented. A quick read of the brief bio in your portfolio tells me that there's a reason for this - you've been doing it as a professional for many years. I must admit that it's a relief to read something as well put together as this story is.

It's a story with a difference too. Although much that is familiar from the genre is present, the idea of a rogue printer supplying clues throws the tale into a league of its own. I'm guessing that's the reason for the inclusion of Supernatural among the claimed genres, but I prefer to read it as a tech-savvy culprit fixing the printer to frame the narrator.

The story has one weakness, in my opinion. I confess to being disappointed with the ending. After coming to know the protagonist through the twists and turns of his history, it comes as a letdown to the reader when he finds that there's no way out from the circumstances the hero finds himself in. It's a risky business building support for a character only to kill him off at the last, especially when he's the only character we get to know during the tale. My suggestion would be to use the previously mentioned tech-savvy possibility to devise an escape for the narrator.

Otherwise, my only suggestions are to do with presentation. Your use of indented openings to paragraphs is a pretty standard requirement among publishers, but it doesn't work so well on the net. Better is to separate the paragraphs by an extra Return, thereby introducing a gap between each one. This is much easier on the eye and makes reading that much easier on a monitor.

I would thing about that genre of Supernatural too. It doesn't really seem to apply as the story is written and there are other genres that would be more accurate. Even Entertainment is more honest than relying on a possesed printer, after all. Though I admit that there are plenty of people who maintain that all printers are possessed!

Whatever you decide, it's a highly entertaining story snd I must thank you for so enjoyable a read. I look forward to reading more of your stuff in the future.

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Beholden


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