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Review #4713052
Viewing a review of:
 
Ghosts of Loved Ones Lost  [E]
memorial poem
by Spring in my Sox
Review by Brian KC
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Dear Spring in my Sox ,

Thank you very much for considering "Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A Member)"  contest with your poem. I know we spent some time on Promptly Poetry last year and looking forward to your entry.

This poem "Ghosts of Loved Ones Lost"  did have a certain rhythm and flow adding to the rhyming pattern. The poem is entered in a free verse contest, and did have some successful elements in this regard. Here are two examples where it succeeds:

1. Lack of Formal Structure: Free verse poetry doesn't adhere to a specific rhyme or meter, and this poem successfully lacks a strict structure, allowing the poet to express emotions freely.

2. Concise Imagery: The poem employs concise and evocative imagery, painting a vivid picture of the emotional struggle when loved ones are gone. For example, "Haunting faces of familiarity" and "Outline shadows of ones long gone" effectively convey the haunting presence of memories.

If you were to consider adding to or editing this poem, consider the following suggestions:

1. Varied Poetic Devices: Incorporate more poetic devices like metaphor, simile, or alliteration to add depth and texture to the language. This can make the imagery more vivid and the emotions more resonant with readers.

2. Enhanced Flow: The flow and rhythm of the poem, while free verse, and doesn't require a strict meter, should still have a natural flow that guides the reader through the emotions. Consider experimenting with line breaks and pacing. Rhyming is not necessary in free verse, as its primary characteristic is its freedom from traditional rhyme and meter. However, in some cases, a well-placed rhyme or near-rhyme can enhance the poem's impact.

The poem's theme revolves around the emotions felt when loved ones are gone, emphasizing the sense of loss and the lingering presence of memories. This theme is effectively conveyed through the use of concise imagery and straightforward language.

It's short and to the point.
The brevity of the poem is effective in capturing the essence of the theme. It succinctly portrays the emotional struggle of dealing with the absence of loved ones, leaving a lasting impression on the reader. The last two lines, "Connections with people have their cost, Especially with the ghosts of loved ones lost," succinctly summarizes the theme and evokes a sense of melancholy and resignation.

This remarks on what it feels like once loved ones are gone. There's a projection by me or by author or both that they don't know they're not there. It's actually loved ones left behind who carry the loss of their presence.

The last two lines are profoundest. And that's losing them and having that void when they're gone. It's simple, straight forward and to the point. Can't get much more concise than this.

Thank you for entering this month's contest, I appreciate having your entries to read and consider for feedback.

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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