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Review #4713092
Viewing a review of:
 Writing.com Creation Myth  [E]
This is a children’s fantasy story about writing.com
by Prosperous Snow celebrating
Review by Brian KC
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Dear Prosperous Snow celebrating —

Haha! I found this on the read and review pages and now I get to return a review for all the ones you sent me. I’m happy to lend any feedback if this is for contest, or whatever, if it will help. Here we go:

The "Writing.Com Creation Myth" is a charming children's fantasy that has the potential to captivate a young audience. It’s an intriguing premise involving a muse from Mount Olympus, closet monsters, and the introduction of technology into the narrative. There's a whimsical quality to the story that makes it appealing to children, and the interactions between Ariel, Deidra, and her father add depth to the characters and their relationships.

One of the strengths of the story is its ability to blend elements of fantasy and reality seamlessly. The concept of closet monsters and a muse from Mount Olympus coexisting in a modern setting is imaginative and offers a unique twist on the typical children's fantasy tale. It allows young readers to explore the boundaries between imagination and reality, a theme that can resonate with them.

However, to further enhance the story and its appeal to young readers, here are some suggestions:

1. Show, Don't Tell: While the story is engaging, there is room for more descriptive language to vividly paint the scenes and characters in the reader's mind. This would make the fantastical elements even more captivating.

2. Character Development: Dive deeper into the emotions and thoughts of the characters, especially Deidra and her father. This can help young readers connect more strongly with characters and their experiences.

3. Clarify the Muse's Role: The muse's purpose and abilities could be explained a bit more to help young readers understand why she's there and how she can assist Deidra.

4. Conflict and Resolution: Consider introducing a small conflict or challenge that Deidra and Ariel must overcome together. This can add an element of suspense and keep young readers engaged, on the edge of their seats, pulling, rooting for something to break the protagonists way.

5. Educational Value: Since the story involves technology, consider incorporating educational elements related to computers and websites in a fun and informative way. This could appeal to young readers' curiosity and desire to learn.

Overall, your story has the foundation of an enchanting children's story with imaginative premise and endearing characters. With some enhancements in descriptive language, character development, and a touch of educational content, it could become an even more captivating and educational read for young audiences.

Your creativity really shines through, and with a little refinement, this story has the potential to be a delightful addition to the world of children's fantasy literature.

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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