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Review #4713170
Viewing a review of:
 love rips  [E]
just for fun
by KingArpod
Review of love rips  
Review by Brian KC
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Dear King,

Hey, I gave this some thought to "love rips"  and wanted to lend my two cents on where you can take it, provided you haven’t given up or moved on to something since. And, a return thanks for paying some attention to my older poetry.

The draft of "love rips" shows potential for a unique and intriguing story. Here are some suggestions and feedback to help develop it further:

Whether it’s a short or long fiction, this draft could work well as a short story ant its current length. To expand it into a longer piece, you might want to delve deeper into character development and add more layers to the conflict. Consider creating a detailed outline, too. This will help to clarify the story's structure. That way you can plan the pacing and character arcs more effectively. Develop the characters further to make their motivations and personalities more distinct. Explore Timothy's internal struggle and his transformation from a ghost to a human. The mysterious woman also needs more backstory and depth to make her actions and intentions clearer.

As far as Conflict-Resolution, the story's resolution is somewhat abrupt. It would be satisfying to explore Timothy's journey as a human and his eventual redemption or realization of his mistakes. This could lead to a more emotionally resonant ending. Mesnwhile, the dialogue has moments of intrigue, but it could benefit from a bit more clarity. Make sure it's clear who is speaking and work on creating a more consistent tone throughout the conversation.

Other Things To Consider On Redraft —

Building Blocks: The concept of a house that feeds on fear is fascinating. Consider elaborating on the rules and mythology of this world to add depth to the narrative.
Conflict and Tension: Introduce more conflict and tension in the story to keep the reader engaged. This could involve challenges for Timothy as he learns to haunt or unexpected consequences of his actions.
Foreshadowing: Consider adding hints or foreshadowing elements earlier in the story to create a sense of anticipation and intrigue for the reader.
Emotional Depth: Explore the emotional depth of the characters, their motivations, origins, particularly Timothy's feelings of betrayal and the woman's motivations. This will help readers connect with the characters on a deeper level.
Resolution: We’d all like to master that. Provide a more satisfying resolution to Timothy's character arc. Whether it's redemption, revenge, or a twist, make sure it leaves a lasting impression.

In summary, I feel "love rips" has the potential to be an engaging story with unique supernatural elements. By fleshing out the characters, refining the dialogue, and adding depth to the conflict and resolution, you can create a compelling narrative that leaves a lasting impact on the reader. Keep writing, the only way we get better at our craft. Hope this helps,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
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