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Review #4713997
Viewing a review of:
 In Life's Parking Lot  [13+]
The short fiction about a woman's thoughts about her life transition.
by Lyda Baird
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Lyda Baird ,

You could write more. It's in you.

Your short fiction regarding a woman's thoughts about her life transition is a compelling piece that looks deep into the emotional journey of a character finding solace in solitude after a tumultuous past. A resounding theme. The story effectively conveys your main character's transformation from a life filled with fear and turmoil to one characterized by peace and self-discovery.

The narrative skillfully captures that internal monologue, providing insight into her thoughts and emotions. The passage, "Better than listening to how useless and unattractive he thought she was," is particularly powerful in illustrating the character's struggle and determination to move forward. It showcases the resilience of the human spirit in the face of adversity.

One suggestion for improvement is to enhance the pacing of the story. The transition between the protagonist's personal reflections and her encounter with the couple in the parking lot could be smoother. It might be helpful to build more anticipation or tension as the narrative shifts from her internal thoughts to the external conflict.

Additionally, when she decides to intervene, there's an opportunity to further explore her internal conflict and the courage it takes to step in. Providing a glimpse into her inner turmoil and doubts at this critical moment can add depth to her character and make her actions even more impactful.

Overall, your story is a poignant exploration of personal growth (somewhat autobiographical but with a fictional spin) and the decision to stand up against injustice. If only we could find answers in the face of adversity. And here, you have it. Essentially its an autobiographical tale of a woman seeking to solve her problems throught writing, through internet communications. She's collecting information, self-affirming, taking herself back off the way and moving forward.

With only one item in your port, I can see you could develop more items like this. You could read some other poems or stories here about pain, abuse, self-abuse and ways people have overcome. It starts with self worth and putting those little deposits in the bank that are just for you, make you feel good by increasing worth in your own eyes. To not evaluate youself by something someone else says, or to be help captive by it. The delicate balance is doing a dance between getting sucked down while rising up just enough that they can see and hear you, but not come down to their level for more pain and anguish.

With a few refinements in pacing and character development, this piece has the potential to be an even more emotionally resonant and thought-provoking story. I'd love it if you wrote some more. I'd come back and give you more feedback once you let me know you have something new. I'm counting on you to count on yourself. Be truly independent as a writer. I'll encourage you, but mostly want to see you encourage yourself.

Your story shows that you want to feel empowered. You don't have to let the world dictate to you, your actions or your writing. You are affirmed a writer. The new lover in your life, is writing.

All The Best,

Brian
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