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Review #4714291
Viewing a review of:
  Izabella (Haiku)  [E]
Birth of a granddaughter
by MIKEL
Review of Izabella (Haiku)  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Dear MIKEL ,

I had the pleasure of reading your poem, " Izabella (Haiku)"  which appears to capture the birth of your granddaughter. This heartfelt expression of joy and admiration is touching. I'll offer this review with my provided my thoughts of the poem and some suggestions for improvement at the end.

The form of your poem is concise and focused, employing a double haiku structure with two brief verses. This brevity enhances the impact of the moment you're conveying. Each stanza provides a snapshot of your granddaughter's appearance, creating a vivid mental image for the reader.

The theme of celebrating the birth of a granddaughter is beautiful and heartwarming. It's a moment of pure joy and admiration, and you've captured it succinctly in your poem. The use of descriptive language like "pouty, hard-pressed lips" and "thin strands of hair" allowed this reader to share in your wonder and awe at this new life.

The choice of the name "Izabella" adds a personal touch to the poem and gives it a sense of intimacy. It feels like you're speaking directly to your granddaughter, celebrating her unique features and beauty. What's beautiful about it is that it will be a keepsake to treasure and share when she's old enough to read and appreciate its quality from a doting grandfather.

One suggestion for improvement is to consider expanding on the emotional depth of the poem. You could delve into the emotions and thoughts that this moment evokes for you as a grandparent. What does this birth mean to you, and how has it impacted your life? Adding a stanza that reflects on the significance of this event from a personal perspective could add depth and relatability.

Another suggestion is to experiment with the imagery and metaphor. While your descriptions are vivid, you might consider using metaphors or similes to compare your granddaughter's features to something else, which can create layers of meaning and enhance the poem's richness. For example, you could compare her eyes to "closed petals" or her nose to "a delicate seashell." These are just my words. What you have offered are your response during a wondrous time. If you should revisit or craft other poetry, these are elements to consider when drafting something new.

Lastly, consider the title of the poem. "Izabella" is a suitable title, but you might explore options that provide a glimpse into the poem's theme or emotional core. A well-chosen title can draw readers in and set the tone for the piece. Something I like to do is two title a poem. One really serves as a description line, a subtitle or just a brief introduction that seems like part of the poem. There are so many thoughts and experiences when we write, that new and emerging title/thoughts seem to want to tack themselves on. Blame it on the muses. But, I find it all good if it fits and lends to the write. Obviously, these are just suggestions. I couldn't point you directly to anything I can think of other than a blog poem called "Potatoes" that I recently had published in a state calender offered by the Wisconsin Fellowship of Poets (plug). Or, was it "Aim, Misfired"? It won first in the Shadows and Light Poetry contest last month. Can't recall. Oh, well.

Your poem is a tender and celebratory offering that captures a beautiful moment in the birth of a granddaughter. By exploring the emotions more deeply, experimenting with metaphor, and considering the title, you can further enhance the poem's impact. Congratulations on both births!

My best to you,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer🌟
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