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Review #4717747
Viewing a review of:
 
Beach Song  [E]
A night stroll on the beach can bring about pleasant surprises.
by turtlemoon-dohi
Review of Beach Song  
Review by Brian KC
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Susan,

Your poem "Beach Song" is a delightful piece that captures the enchanting essence of a moonlit beach walk. It's brimming with vivid imagery, and its rhythmic flow echoes the soothing cadence of the waves. I want to provide a detailed reaction and some suggestions, should you think it needs further refinement.

The style and theme of your poem are reminiscent of romantic and lyrical poetry, where nature, in this case, the beach, becomes a stage for an emotional experience. The use of exclamations ("O! What a delight") adds an exuberant tone, emphasizing the awe-inspiring beauty of the setting. The choice of diction is evocative, particularly in lines like "moon shadowed dunes" and "lunar lust," which contribute to the sensory richness of the poem.

The form and structure of your poem are pleasing, with consistent quatrains that maintain a harmonious rhythm throughout. The rhyme scheme (ABAB) adds musicality and symmetry to the verses, making it easier for the reader to follow the flow. The poem's brevity is also a strength; it captures a moment of beauty and wonder without excessive elaboration.

You employ various poetic devices effectively. The repetition of "O! What a delight" serves as a refrain, emphasizing the joy of the experience. The alliteration in "watery winged tunes" and "sandy mystery" enhances the sonic quality of the poem. The personification of the sea and sand as "mystics" and the sea's waves as gentle, teasing, and misbehaving imbue the natural elements with human-like qualities, forging a deeper connection between the reader and the environment.

While the poem is already beautifully written, here are a few suggestions for consideration:

1. Further Develop the Theme: Explore the emotional aspect of the experience. You've hinted at romance with lines like "a couple's glance," but delving deeper into the emotions or thoughts of the narrator could add a layer of depth.

2. Evolve the Imagery: You've painted a vivid picture of the beach, but you can push the boundaries of your descriptions. For instance, you might expand on the idea of "moon shadowed dunes" to create a more intricate visual image.

3. Clarify the Narrative: The poem leaves the reader with an atmospheric impression, but a slightly more concrete narrative or progression of events could enhance reader engagement.

Your poem is a beautiful snapshot of a serene beach walk, and it's already a captivating piece. These suggestions aim to provide you with some directions for further exploration, but feel free to adjust them according to your creative vision. Keep up the fantastic work!

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army

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