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Review #4718691
Viewing a review of:
 
White Out, Cheyenne, Wyoming  [13+]
A fictionalized scary real life experience.
by ~SilverMoon~
Review by Brian KC
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Dear ~SilverMoon~ ,

The short story "White Out, Cheyenne, Wyoming" provides an engaging narrative with elements of tension and self-reflection. I happened upon it in the read and review section.:

As for a hook, your story begins with a clear and relatable scene, the narrator's birthday dinner at a Chinese restaurant in Cheyenne. This setup grabs a reader's attention and introduces a sense of normalcy before things take a dramatic turn.

The plot centers around the unexpected challenges the protagonist faces on their journey back home due to a snowstorm. This creates a strong conflict that builds throughout the narrative. Descriptive language is used to set the scene and atmosphere. For example, the detailed descriptions of the restaurant, the snowy weather, and the tension in the car effectively engaged this reader's senses and emotions.

As for conflict and resolution, the primary conflict revolves around the dangerous driving conditions and the protagonist's internal struggle with decision to travel on their birthday. The story's resolution comes when they safely arrive home, reflecting on their choices and vowing to be more careful in the future.

Suggestions:

Character Development:
While the story focuses on the external conflict of the dangerous weather conditions, a deeper exploration of the characters' thoughts and emotions during the ordeal could enhance the reader's connection to the characters. It could go as far as existential.

Foreshadowing:
Consider introducing some hints or foreshadowing regarding the worsening weather conditions earlier in the story. This can create a sense of anticipation and build tension more gradually.

Pacing:
Some sections of the story could be condensed to maintain a more consistent pace. For instance, the detailed descriptions of the restaurant could be shortened to maintain the story's momentum.

Dialogue:
Dialogue is a powerful tool for revealing character traits and emotions. It might be beneficial to incorporate more dialogue between the characters during their journey, showcasing their reactions to the perilous situation.

Themes:
The story touches upon the theme of making choices in life. Expanding on this theme and connecting it more explicitly to the story's events could provide a deeper layer of meaning.

I know from my personal experience writing short stories, that it is often difficult to fully embellish or re-create circumstances. Sometimes, there is unresolved feelings that block one from completely fictionalizing their story-worthy experiences. Some stories take time and personal maturation to find the best words/framework.

I found “White Out, Cheyenne, Wyoming" to have a compelling premise and it effectively conveys tension and self-reflection of the protagonist. With some refinements in character development, pacing, and dialogue, it should see an even more engaging and impactful short story.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer

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