%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4719959 |
 | The Mysterious Box  [E] Read and enjoy  |
| (3.0)| A WDC Power Review Hi TheactualTreasure .I'm JACE - House Targaryen , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering " The Mysterious Box" . I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.  Overall Impression. Welcome you to Writing.com. I'm sure you'll find WDC a very friendly place.Second, a short editorial: Once you post an item in your Portfolio (unless you specifically state no reviews) you'll be subject to reviews of your item from members. Just remember that any review is just one person's opinion at that one time. Only you can decide to use the review for your benefit, or let it get to you negatively. Moving on, I see that you've posted several items in your Port, having received at least one review on each. Hopefully they helped you. I enjoyed the premise of your story, although I'm not really sure where you hoped to take it. I believe you have a good story line. But it seemed superficial to me. It was very basic. Perhaps you intend to flesh it out in additional versions. You mention a strange symbol on the box ... then nothing more about it. Lilly meets interesting creatures, and has many adventures ... but your reader is left without any meat explaining these meetings and adverntures. I look forward to reading more about Lily.  Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc. A bit about the Item Description: This is your billboard to invite a reader into your story. It should be something more than "read and enjoy." Honestly, I chose your offering precisely because of your description. Consider something stronger and more about your story. Also, consider breaking up how you write your paragraphs. Beginning everyone with "Lily" gets rather boring to read.  My Rating. 3.0. As written, your offering is average. But I believe you have great potential with your storyline. I hope you use it. Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
You responded to this review 11/20/2023 @ 10:54am EST