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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4722091
Review #4722091
Viewing a review of:
 Writing life  [E]
Let’s talk writing
by Olivethepoetess
Review of Writing life  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A WDC Power Review


Hi Olivethepoetess .

I'm JACE - House Targaryen , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Writing life.

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1*
Overall Impression. First, welcome to Writing.com. I've been here for more than 15 years and I still find it a wondrous place. I'm certain you will too.

I'm still learning my way at reviewing poetry--I prefer essays and short stories. So, I couldn't pass up your monologue.

Great job ... so far. I feel like you have more to share. Remember, this is, or should be, about you and your writing journey. That said, I've a couple suggestions below that might help tighten your monologue.

*Exclaim*
Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet*  Regarding your first sentence: This is my first piece here, I have always been passionate about writing and guess what life has offered me, writing.com.
 It's too long, and as written, seems to need more than just a period. Suggest:  This is my first piece here. I have always been passionate about writing, so guess what life has offered me--Writing.com!

         *Bullet* Again, your second paragraph is one very long sentence that would have more impact broken into two or more sentences.
 Try reading your work out loud. When I did that, it sounded awkward to hear. It's my favorite editing technique. 

*Star*
My Rating.  4.0.  Yours is an above average offering that needs just a little effort to be great.

*Heart*
Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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