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Review #4723631
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A WDC Power Review


Hi rodrigotfleite .

I'm JACE - House Targaryen , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Invalid Item" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. I found your offering in the Read & Review section. I find it hard to read on a screen when you have a lot of small sized words and no spacing between paragraphs. So I almost passed on this review. I went to your Port to check out a few of your other writings, and they were written the same way.

I decided to give you a few pointers that will help you here on Writing.com. Yes, I know you are new, and I hope my review will be accepted as help, and not negative. I know some thing may be hard to hear.

First, smaller paragraphs are easier to read. Separate paragraphs with one extra line space.

Second, add one space after a period when beginning the next sentence.

Third, commas should only be used to separate or emphasize a particular phrase. They should be used sparingly. And like periods, there should be a space after each comma. The first example you wrote; the second is a suggestion:

Popular and spreaded should be in second place,but I like all,heavy,soft japanese.

Popular and spreaded should be in second place, but I like all heavy and soft Japanese.

While I only corrected this sentence for punctuation, it made little sense as written. What do you mean by "spreaded?"

Fourth, if the program you are writing in has a Spell Check, use it. If it doesn't, find a program that has it. Misspellings makes it hard to read, and if that's the case, folks will not read and give you advice how to improve.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* There are too many areas with incorrect punctuation, spelling and grammar to easily list here. May I suggest that when editing, you read your offering OUT LOUD. You'll hear problems before you'll see them.    

*Star* My Rating.  2.5.  Your work has great potential. You have some great story premises. Working on your structure will entice people to read your work more.

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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