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Review #4725155
Viewing a review of:
 Who am I?  [13+]
self explanatory
by Kirsty McCall
Review of Who am I?  
Review by JACE
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Hi Kirsty McCall .

I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Who am I?"  in honor of your WDC anniversary.

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. I'm always impressed by folks who can bare themselves to anyone who can read. I suppose most writers do just this to some extent. You pull no punches.

According to your Bio you are shy. Yet this offering about you (as stated in your item description) includes a line that seems at odds to being shy. That is: Always too loud too bright or unseen.

It seems to me that you view yourself more as those around you perceive you. Do you really care what others think of you? Be true to yourself. That should be the essence of you ... and your poem.

I've noted a couple areas below where punctuation would enhance a reader's understanding of the poem.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet*  Some punctuation suggestions :
To some I am lazy,
Others I am broken,
To some, I am lazy;
Others, I am broken.

         *Bullet* While I recognize the poet's desire for expression, I found my reading coming to a distinct halt at a couple spots. They are:  muchness and touched-ness.  

*Star* My Rating.  4.0.  An above average offering that should focus completely on you.

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering, and I look forward to seeing you around in the coming year. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.

Reviewed by
JACE

A new Anniversary Review signature to use, courtesy of [Link To User legerdemain]



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