Hello NightShift

I came across your poem as you sent me a review request.

Here are my thoughts on your poem -

First Impressions

This is a dark poem which indicates from the text that the writer has lost all hope. I like dark poetry so this appealed to me. I wasn't so sure of the title, I am not sure "Coldness of Blackness" makes sense. I would probably call it just "The blackness" or "The Void" or something like that.

Imagery and Theme

The imagery is typical of dark or negative thoughts - the inky black sky, the closed road, the lack of light, the numbness etc I suppose it could be argued that some of these images could be a bit cliched! But they are the kind of images I would probably use myself, so I cannot really be critical of that. The imagery is vivid and conveys emotion.


Form

The form here is interesting as it chops and changes, therefore it is more of a free form poem but different parts have a rhyming scheme - I think this works for your poem and makes it interesting to read. The last line is an abrupt statement, and has an air of finality to it.

Favourite Bits

The first verse is my favourite, I really like the imagery and the rhyming scheme

I like the way the form plays out though, so the rhyming scheme is not the same throughout

Suggestions

"When road is closed before you" - I think this should say, "When THE road is closed before you"

"don’t grieve me." - I think this should be "Don't grieve FOR me"

I always think punctuation in poems is kind of up to the writer, however it should probably be consistent - as in, if you are starting each sentence with a capital letter, then you should probably do this through the whole poem, but your second verse has no capital letters.

Conclusion

I liked reading your poem, it is up my street so to speak. The writer speaks candidly about their feelings, and the ending is a bit chilling.....

The title is not really gripping and could probably use a rethink?








My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .