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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4725786
Review #4725786
Viewing a review of:
 Summer Camp  [E]
A girl has summer camp stress
by Atemu12
Review of Summer Camp  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Atemu12,

I visited your portfolio today as a follow-up to my first visit to welcome you to WdC. I see "Summer Camp" has been reviewed twice. I am adding my thoughts. They are solely my opinions which I hope will be helpful to you.

What I liked: You have great storytelling skills. You used an inviting first sentence to get me engaged. I have never been to summer camp. The way you describe a couple of issues that come up, I can safely conclude it is not one of the top experiences of your life. I loved the line about your horse returning and nonchalantly eating hay.

Your story would be easier to read if you double-spaced between the paragraphs. The words "a long the trail" should be "along the trail."

You have a gift for writing an engaging true story. I look forward to reading more of your stories. Great job!

Write on!
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