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Review #4727523
Viewing a review of:
 
Road Bully  [E]
How I fought a Road Bully
by Grace Anne
Review of Road Bully  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi Grace Anne . Hello. I found your offering in the Read & Review section.

I'm JACE - House Targaryen , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Road Bully" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. I enjoyed your story. I wonder if it's just fiction or is true. (Actually, I see you marked it 'fiction.')

I found it interesting that you used Comedy as one of your genres, and well as in the header. I wouldn't classify this tale as a comedy.

I noted a couple lines that though was awkward to read. It ran on far too long, and should have been two separate sentences. For example: The last one looked like an advertisement for a brand of cigarette, unfortunately he only posed, didn’t get a job and lived off her, much to her chagrin. The last one looked like an advertisement for a brand of cigarette. Unfortunately, much to her chagrin, he only posed, living off her jobless.

Another line: After several minutes I managed to get him near his bike, which looked like a dog taking a drink from the ditch, and tied him to the wheel which a handcuff which was amazingly available with a lot of other curious stuff in his saddlebag. Read this out loud and you'll know what changes should be made.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* You have some paragraphs double-spaced, and others are not. Be consistent with your spacing.    

         *Bullet* A wordsmith moment. Fainting is not the term used for head trauma.   He fainted.  He passed out.

*Star* My Rating.  4.0. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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