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Review #4727754
Viewing a review of:
 “ The Music Of Heaven “  [E]
Praising Our Lord Jesus Christ.
by Netty
Review by JACE
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Good morning, Netty . I found your offering in the Read & Review section.

I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "“ The Music Of Heaven “" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. I enjoyed reading your offering. But I stumbled over some of your phrasing; it seemed a little stilted to me.

For example, you wrote:
IT FLOWS ON THE SPIRIT OF THE FLOWING CLOUDS AND THE BIRDS
THAT FLY AND ALL OF HEAVEN WORSHIP THE HEAVENLY FATHER JESUS

First, typing in all caps is basically yelling in print. That may be the effect you desire, but it's harder to read. Second, your lines will be more readable with some punctuation, which encourages places to pause for effect. And you need an 's' on worship. Such as:

IT FLOWS ON THE SPIRIT OF THE FLOWING CLOUDS AND THE BIRDS
THAT FLY, AND ALL OF HEAVEN WORSHIPS THE HEAVENLY FATHER, JESUS,

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* More punctuation notes (read both examples out loud, pausing where the commas are):

 ... THE MUSIC OF HEAVEN SOUNDS OF VIOLINS HARPS, AND TRUMPETS.
 ... THE MUSIC OF HEAVEN, SOUNDS OF VIOLINS, HARPS AND TRUMPETS. 

         *Bullet* Word tense issue in the first line:   THE ANGELS SINGS   THE ANGELS SING

*Star* My Rating.  4.0. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

Non-Animated Angel Army Signature



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