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Review #4728779
Viewing a review of:
 
Invisible Threads - Prologue  [13+]
This is the prologue to Invisible Threads, the first book in The Anomaly series.
by Loyd Gardner
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi Loyd Gardner .

I'm JACE - House Targaryen , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Invisible Threads - Prologue" , that I found on the Read & Review section.

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. This is a tough subject to read about--child abuse. I guess I would have to read the first few chapters of the book that the prologue is from to understand the use of this scene as a prologue. The scene you portray seems to come in the middle of Gary's life.

That said, you certainly evoke a lot of emotion here. I have a hard time thinking that someone could abuse a child ... of any age. Obviously, Mom needs help.

Your descriptions were spot on as far as Mom and Gary are concerned. Obviously, there was some tension between the sisters--she noticed Gary's red face.

I failed to see how the Chinese proverb helped the stage set in your Prologue. Perhaps something in the story will make this apparent.

You have a lot of white space between the proverb and the beginning of your story. On the screen of my laptop, I had to scroll up quite a bit to begin reading. For a moment, I thought the proverb was the prologue.

I wondered why your Intro Rating was Non-E. I saw nothing that required such a rating.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* Your writing style is easy to read. I found no obvious errors in the mechanics of your story.    

*Star* My Rating.  4.0. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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