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Review #4733863
Viewing a review of:
 Survival  [E]
Trekkers fallen into an animal trap.
by bas
Review of Survival  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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#1188309 by iKïyå§ama


Hallo Satish,
I visited your portfolio because your WDC anniversary is coming up. The title and brief description intrigued me so I clicked.

I like the beginning, with the rays of the sun bringing hope. You kept the suspense throughout and the dialogue when their mates arrive brought a smile to my face.

Suggestions:
1. WritingML - font, size, line space.
2. Check for punctuation, especially with dialogue.
3. Check for repeated words and phrases.
4. Check for 'telling' v/s 'showing'.

I see this is a contest entry from some years ago.
If you're planning to work on it, I'll be happy to send you more details or examples of what I mean by the above if you like!

Write On!
- Sonali.

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 03/07/2024 @ 4:44am EST
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